Maria asks…
What do you think of my book so far?
Please tell me the truth, it will help me and don't lie because if you do i will think its good and it wouldn't be. Chapter One School Nightmares. My stomach was being hacked at by butterflies, I looked in the mirror as I stared at my body, my high school clothes, I'm in high school. Something I have always wanted, but it doesn't seem quite like I thought I would anymore. Does it ever? I patted my red hair and put a bit of eyeliner on for a good first impression, I made sure my side fringe was extra good today, I smiled and then picked my bag up just as my mum called out for me, "Yeah! I'm coming!" I yelled back, I grabbed all my books and belongings then ran downstairs, my stomach still crammed full of butterflies, yeah I went to the transition to know people, get used to the vibe of the school, but it still felt awkward walking around a huge school like this one. Parafield Gardens High, I sighed and then appeared at the bottom of the stairs, I looked around and found my mum standing at the door with an apple in her hand, I went to the bench top and grabbed the money from it, then bounded over to her and took the apple from her hands, rolling it around in them I took the sticker off and took a huge bite out of it. "thanks." I said and she smiled, then walked out with me on her heels, the butterflies got worse, and the apple made it no better, I crossed over the lawn and opened the car door, I hopped in and shut the door, then just sat there, my eyes staring straight ahead as I knew I was going to be teased, my red hair is something I never allow myself to be teased about, but it still hurts. I sighed and then started playing with the corner of my shorts, then looked at my striped shirt I smiled, the uniform was alright. I dazed off, thinking about James, My ex. He loved me but no, he cheated so how could he? My first love and probably the only one I will ever let, giving love gives them the power to break your heart, I learned that the hard way. I sighed and then looked up, the school I could see from this far, as it got closer and closer, I felt more nauseated. Soon enough the car came to a stop and I felt my mums arms around me, but I barely did, I was lost. I sighed and shook my head mentally. "Wish me luck." I said with a nervous smile, gesturing to my hair she patted my head and I sighed, then opened the door and got out, the air whipped my hair around and I frowned. I walked to the student services and walked in, warm air coming through from inside. "Uh, I need to know my home group." I said with a small smile, I looked at her name tag, Mrs. Kurk, I almost laughed when I read it, but held it scarcely, she gave me my home group and I looked at it, 8F, Teacher is Mrs. Logan, I formed my lips into a tight line and walked out, then I stopped right outside and got my diary out from my bag, I took it and put my name in and then set off for my group, I looked at the map on the diary and walked up the stairs, then looked from left to right once I had reached the top, only then did I remember the apple in my hand, I laughed slightly to myself and then took another bite before throwing it in a bin, I walked right and then turned again, and walked through the double doors, then blushed. We were in an assembly, I almost cried. I sat down in any place and listened, names, home groups, new people, then before I knew it, we were done. I got up and walked over to my teacher, she had blonde hair and brown eyes, she looked to be 5'8, and I was a little over 5'7, I stood next to her and waited until she walked off, I followed until someone tapped my shoulder, I looked up from staring at the floor and seen a girl, she had gorgeous blue green eyes and she had freckles, she was around 5'4 and she had long brown hair, and a side fringe. Sighing in relief I smiled at her, she grinned back. "I'm Alyce Brown. You?" she said happily, overly enthusiastic, I hope she's in my home group. "Annabelle Weston." I said and shook the hand she had threw at me, she smiled then put her arm around my shoulders but barely reached, I smirked. Tiny one. She growled lowly and I laughed, she looked at me and I realized her temper wasn't one to be messed with, I put my hands up in surrender. "sorry." I said and she smiled warmly, talk about bi-polar... She; instead of putting her arm around my shoulder, put her arm into mine and skipped, making me skip along with her into the room, and everyone stared to my annoyance, I looked for a spare spot and my eyes zeroed in on a empty space, only Alyce had beat me to it and she was waiting for me, I sighed and shook my head, walking over to her I pulled the chair out and sat down, then I didn't listen at all, I looked out the window and stared. This was boring, I had one friend and she was prettier then me, she had big doe eyes that looked so innocent and cute, when she smiled her cheeks got all chubby and cute, I stared. Unblinking out the window still until someone nudged my shoulder,
Our pick of the answers:
Yeah, its a start! To be honest, it does seem a bit slow in parts, and doesn't immediately pull you in and make you want to read more. You use a lot of commas to break up sentences, which makes it read like a play-by-play of what happened and not about how things felt when they happened. I'm guessing the ex-lover of the character has something to do with the story, but its hard to see where its going at the moment. On the plus side, there were some nice descriptions here and there like "the air whipped my hair" and the 'Does it ever?" in the first paragraph. Definitely keep going with it! My advice would be to use more vivid descriptions and evocative language to really paint a picture of what's happening, but you'll find your own unique style of writing, which is the most important thing. And props for having the guts to put this up where the whole world can read it =)
Carol asks…
My book "Imprint", is it good?
PREFACE I'm not much of a dreamer, and I'd rather be alone. Call me weird- I won't mind. But I'm just not interested in love. So, most girls have some dream about this: one day, their just walking around and then this "totally cute" boy just look at them and falls head-over-heels. A few days later, they admit their love and then blah, blah, blah. I'd trade what happened to me any other day- and that pretty much means that I'd rather be alone and dead in my grave, too. But there's no way out for me now. I'm stuck with it for life. This, I'd say, is definitely NOT cool. Here's what happened to me. I've been imprinted by a werewolf that I don't even love. CHAPTER ONE: THICK I fluttered my eyes. Gosh, it was bright. Who knew that San Diego was so bright in the morning? I certainly didn't. I'd just moved from Washington State to California. Under constant rain and sogginess, my mom needed me over here. She and Dad had divorced when I was young- separating them from any good source of joy. Dad was fine after a few years; he remarried someone named Shantal and had a little boy of their own. They didn't need me now, since I was long past my childhood. I was 16, and my mom was still alone. I had to help her. I've only arrived in San Diego for just a few weeks, and I've hated it. Yah, you might be thinking: "Wow. Who doesn't like sunshine?" I'm a Washington lover. So don't blame me if I'm one of those boredom -addicts. Hey, it's all about where you grow up. I sighed, blinking a bit. I looked all over my closet- in hope of finding an adequate outfit. Skinny jeans, short shorts, capri pants, miniskirts… red tanktop, blue blouse, plain t-shirt, black long-sleeve. So many choices… but I kept it simple. I threw on a shirt and slid into my pants, brushing my teeth furiously. I was scared about today. After I dressed and cleaned up, my day began. "Blaire, honey, where's your backpack?" ask Mom. "I have it…" I replied hastily. Today was the first day back in high school- and it was only two weeks before summer time. I ran my fingers through my wet black-brown hair; made sure my brown eyes weren't messed up, and took a deep breath. "Are you sure, Blaire?" she asked, her eyes full of worry. "Sure as ever, Mom." The word "Mom" felt thick on my tongue. I've never said much, since it hurt Dad so much. Even Shantal disliked that word; although she wasn't my mom, she was understanding, kind, and my best friend. Now, Mom and I felt like two roomies that barely knew each other. I wasn't like Mom at all- I just looked somewhat like her, just a bit prettier. I then gave Mom a hug and headed out to my new car- my present from Mom. It was a nice black little Volkswagen Jetta, just the way I liked it. It was brand-new, shiny, and definitely my style. As I put the key into the ignition, I closed my eyes. My first day at San Diego High. New friends, new teachers. I pressed my foot lightly on the gas and drove off to school, scared about what was going to happen. It was going to be a very long day.
Our pick of the answers:
I LOVE IT!! Oh i know the author and she said that its like twilight in the first few chapters but the it TOTALLY different!! If u want to read more about email her at ... Sawheaven@gmail.com ..... THANKS!!!
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