Laura asks…
Am I falling for my friends little sister?
I feel so wierd to admit it like this, but Im afraid Im starting to fall for my friends little sister and I dont know what to do about it. I feel silly cause Ive never really had a like serious girlfriend so I dont know what Im doing. Im a Junior in high school and she's about three years younger than me but shes really pretty, and I give a ride to both her and her brother to and from school every day. Since its baseball season and her brothers on the team he has afternoon practice and it just ends up with just me and her giving her a ride back to her moms apartment. Ive been giving her a ride all year, and first started noticing how cute she was back around christmas time. But now that her brother started baseball season two weeks ago and she and I ride home alone together every afternoon Im always spending lots of time with her every afternoon while her mom is at work. Ive kinda known that she always had a huge crush on me since she started middle school, and Ive just tried to play it off as cool; but I dont know how much longer I can hold off on falling head over heels for this girl. Her mother who just recently got divorced is a really nice lady who is like my biggest fan, cause I help her my friend with his homework and always try to be really nice to everyone; but the other day when her mom was heaping praise upon me for staying home with her daughter all friday afternoon and night while she worked the night shift and her brother was at an out of town baseball came; she just like blurted out to her daughter that she hoped that she would marry a young man like me someday because Im going to make a really good husband. When her mom said that I started to turn beet red in the face with embarassment, then my friends little sister stared me straight in the eye with this beautiful almost hypnotic gaze and said "I know he will." It just sent chills down my spine. I've had like two dreams about this girl since then and ive been thinking about her all day in class. Really, she is like the perfect girl, she is kinda petite, with a really pretty face and eyes that look like Im staring into the sea. She is funny and cool and actually likes alot of the same movies and music that I like and shes smart and reads books like all the time and makes really good grades in school. She has a really chill style thats not over the top, like she'd usually wear like an extra-small black twilight looking t-shirt, with some dark jean-print-leggins and ballet flats without socks, or something like that. Seriously, she would almost be like the ideal girl for me to date except for maybe just a few things. Other than the fact that shes my friends little sister and three years younger than me; probably the only other downside is that she smokes cigarettes all the time and claims shes already addicted. She even tries to get me to share a few cigarette with her everyday after school, and I wasnt about to tell a pretty girl no. So, I guess I can get over her constant cigarette smoking, but Im more worried about the age thing and if her brother will be cool with it. The age thing is weird, cause like I swear she is at least as mature as me. maybe more mature. I know some people frown on someone being three years older than their girl, but I guess it just seems normal to me. My older sister was like a freshman dating a senior in year high school a few years ago, and she was born when my mom was only sixteen and my dad was in his thirties finishing up his residency after med school. Now my dad is in his fifties and my mom is still in her thirties, and she has is always telling me that relationships usually work better when the guy is older. Shes even seen me hanging out with my friends little sister in my room and told me that she was really pretty and that I should try to date a girl like her, but I feel likie such a total geek for listening to my mom about that stuff. I dont know if I can control my emotions or not, but Im really afraid that Im starting to fall for this girl and I just dont know what to do about it?!?! HELP!!!! I promise to listen to any advice you give me!! - I just want to hear from someone other than my own mother telling me shes pretty and I should date her or from her mother telling her that she should marry a guy like me -- WTF?!?! C'mon man, I could just punch myself in the nuts for liking her this much, I mean, crushing on my friends kid sister whos thirteen, that cant be right can it? I mean Id love that its right and Im just overthing it, but Im really really really not so sure and need to know.
Our pick of the answers:
In all reality, she's only 3 years younger than you, I mean I can see how it matters when your a teenager but in 10 years you'll be like 26 and she'll be like 23, its not that big of a difference. So I wouldn't worry about it too much, the one thing I would worry about is her older brother, you might lose a friend so i would talk to him about it, if you really feel this way about her, I would go out with her and see what happens, life is all about risks man, sometimes you got to take the chance.
Sandra asks…
My 15 year old son is obsessed with Lady Gaga. Three weeks ago he had long brown hair. Advice?
He used his birthday money to go shopping and came home with his hair bleached pale blonde with 4 inch long bangs. He was wearing a black sequined top, a zebra stripe mini-skirt, white knee high boots, with white fishnets and black chandelier earrings. He had acrylic nails put on and has black nail polish with symbols of playing cards on them. We have been fighting nonstop as his outfits get more outlandish every day. Yesterday morning he came down wearing a pink underwire bra with no shirt, a pink and black skirt, black pantyhose and 4" pink glitter heels. He actually was going to go to school like that. None of the outfits would be over the top if they were worn by a girl for a night out at a club but he's a boy and he's trying to wear these everywhere. I have two teen daughters who egg him on and he suddenly has more girly things than the two of them. The kids at school apparently do not harass him or he chooses to ignore them. Other than the neighbors all looking out their windows or me screaming at him I don't sense anyone else having a problem with this. Do I just let him keep trying to look like Lady Gaga and hope this runs it's course or should I keep fighting with him and wear him down?
Our pick of the answers:
It might seem tough for you as a mother to see your son going through a gender non-conforming phase. However, I don't suggest that you fight with him until you have your way. All that is going to do is likely cause his crossdressing to go underground and he will likely become more devious and sneaky about it. This can also set him up for psychological problems down the road. While more teenage males crossdress or express some other form of gender nonconformity than most people realize, your son so happens to be more overt about it. This is not necessarily bad in of itself, but it is understandable if your son chooses to dress in a way that is "over-the-top". I suggest that you first sit down with your son and have a good heart to heart with him as to why he chooses to dress that way. Don't be judgmental, jump to conclusions, or rely on stereotypes; and do listen to what he has to say. If he truly wishes to keep dressing like a woman, it is okay to make him aware of some of the issues that might arise because of this, but trying to stop him is not advisable. Check with his school to make sure that he isn't violating dress codes and to ensure that teachers and administrators will ensure that school for him is a safe environment. You do have the right to tell him to tone down how provocative he dresses, especially at school. For your daughters, you should tell them to be supportive of him, but not to encourage outlandish dressing in inappropriate places. The reason why others don't have a problem with this is because to them, how somebody chooses to dress isn't a big deal to them.
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