Lizzie asks…
How is this story? Tell me if it's too cliche or...teeny...(but it's for teens )?
Summary: What happens when bad girl meets bad boy? Misha and Evan are both spies from different spy schools. They don't know about each other, but are assigned to spy on each other. They will do anything to get the information they need in order to report back to the head of the spies. But why are they spying on each other? What secrets are lurking behind their closed doors? And will they ever regret reporting back to the spy leader? You want me? Come and get me. Misha I turn around, feeling someone's eyes on my back. You know...that shiver that runs down your spine when you feel someone watching you. I get that. I get that often. Ever since I joined the Spy School, I have learnt to trust my instincts. And since the first day of joining the Spy School, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. Which is bloody hard. Whipping my phone out, I begin to text Leanne. My head snaps up. I hear the rustling in the bushes. I wipe my blonde hair out of my face and stride over, ready to haul out whoever is in there. They're a threat. Simple. I'll use my spy skills to kick their ass. I brush the leaves back and peer in. A boy sits there with a cheesy you've-just-caught-me grin. "Hi!" he raises his black cap. Was he...spying on me? No. Impossible. I have been in Spy School for a year now and I know everyone there. He wasn't there. He can't have be. My face scrunches up as I try and work out who he is, if I recognise him or not. "You're just gonna stare at me?" I frown for a second but then replace it with a cheesy grin like his. I lean down, boobs popping out of my blouse, hair tumbling down my face, lips moist and perky. His grin widens. Yoink! I snatch his hat off and head out of the bushes and towards my car. What a plonker. Thinking he can mess with me. Pfft! I get about a few metres ahead before he comes up and tries and snatches it from my clutches. "Come on now. What's a good girl like you stealing people's hats on a night like this?" his sapphire color eyes glint with a hint of mystery, and his brown hair looks lush. I have the hat in my right hand. He reaches for it, but I switch hands. He reaches it again, but I'm quicker. Of course I am. I am professionally trained unlike this doofus. Once he has a few more goes trying to get it off me, without making much contact, he cocks an eyebrow. "I'm impressed. You're pretty slick for a girl, you know?" "Really?" I know I don't sound surprised. He knows it too. "Okay. You're a little better than average," he moves closer to me, "what's your secret?" A thin layer of air separates us, but I stand my ground. I don't care how close he gets; I'm certainly not backing down. The street lamp hangs over us like a camera. Neither of us breaks eye contact. "Now, I'll ask nicely. Hand over the hat. I don't want to have to get physical," he holds his hand out mere inches from my chest. "And I'm answering nicely: go away." I turn around and run to my car, hoping to escape him this time. I'm not wearing high heels or a mini-skirt, as the school had prohibited me from wearing them, just in case I do need to do some serious running. I've only recently started wearing such clothes when a year ago a guy broke my heart. The only guy I have ever loved. I'd like to think he made me this way, flirty, more...well more. But I'm not giving him credit for anything. My tight skinny jeans pinch into my thighs, and the wind blows up my loose blouse. He pounds into me so my face is pressed against my car and he has his hands wrapped around mine. I feel like I am being handcuffed by the police. He whispers in my ear. "Shouldn't have touched the hat," he snickers. I'm temporarily shocked that he just pinned me up against my own car, but I soon recover. The shocked expression on my face morphs into a playful one as I force myself out of his grip by twisting around. Getting close and personal, I breathe on his face. He leans in, expecting more. I'm guessing he's used to girls acting this way around his hot body. Well...so am I. Instead of leaning in extra for his lips to come in touch with mine, I redirect it to his ear and whisper seductively, "Who said I was a good girl?" He stiffens slightly and I beep my car open and slide in, rev it up, and zoom off, leaving a very confused guy standing in the middle of the non-busy lane without his hat. Sucker. I need critiquing badly. x
Our pick of the answers:
I like your summary, but the first line is just not doing it for me. The 'bad girl meets bad boy' just sounds cheesy. Maybe you could replace it? Overall, I like the piece. It's interesting and as a teen, I can say it appeals to me. But maybe try to reduce the slang a little...? Use it in dialogues, but not in description. "I frown for a second but then replace it with a cheesy grin like his. I lean down, boobs popping out of my blouse, hair tumbling down my face, lips moist and perky.His grin widens. Yoink!" needs to be changed. Write it a bit more tastefully with a little less detail. Also "Yoink" made me think of something else [refer to previous sentence], so change that as well. Also, is the school called "Spy School"? If it isn't then don't capitalize and if it is, then try coming up with a different name. All in all, nicely written. With a little bit less slang, this could be nicely done. Good luck!
Nancy asks…
Could you lend me a character or two?
I like my title: "Could you lend me a character or two?" It's kinda cute. Anyway, I'm 13 years old and my friends and I are doing Young Writer's Project: NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. It's during the whole of November. We set our word goals, which is a number of words that we have to write, or more. I set mine to 10,000 words in one month. Now this is going to be hard, and as it is, I'm having trouble coming up with character names. For myself only, could you copy and paste this format to fill out the names? Thanks! Oh yeah, if it's a place, it's still a name. But not a character. Nice principal who does his best for the middle schoolers: Mother of main character who tries to do her best, but is usually tired, always working: Father of main character, always working: Main character, female, 14 years old and usually gets straight A's, but then realizes that grades aren't her life. By this, she goes on an adventure to find out that what Ms. Florence believes is true: Snotty boy at school: Best friend of the main character, male or female, or both: A boy who likes to hang around the main character: A ghost (either gender, please say) the main character meets on her adventure, and tries to stay away from: An evil thing (please say gender and what it is) that causes problems: A little magical village: The middle school she goes to: The town she lives in: A forest she lives by: A street she walks by in the town she lives in: Her pet's name (only one, please say what it is, what gender and name): Her sibling's name (please say how many, gender, age, possibly personality and name): Thanks, again... best answer to anyone that I use the MOST information from. Vote for other ones that you like and such, thanks. As for before, I had a question just like this. I HAVE AN IMAGINATION! I have only ONE month to write this. I have only 10% done, and I started it TODAY. I am suffering writer's block and I can't get past nearly 1,200 words, so pleeeeaaaase try to help me out here. At least answer three, okay? I really need a principal's name, a main character name, and the mother's name at this point. Somehow I was able to make it through 1,000 words without really saying any names, but now I am seriously revealing some mysteries. Can you help me out here? Thanks a lot, person who told me, "You have an imagination. Use it." It didn't at all get me past the piece where... An icy hand tightly wrapped itself around my wrist, cutting off circulation. Ms. Florence gave me a stare as cold as her fingers. "(Main character's name), you're coming with me to visit Principal (name)'s office this instant. A lump formed in my throat as she stomped her black high-heeled shoes towards thw doorway, yanking me behind her. I twisted and turned my hand in her freezing fist, my other hang holding my crumpled piece of paper. As much as I resisted, she pulled me along, and I could almost here the screeching of my soles against the glossy tiles. The end for me was near, and everything I could ever hope for was lost. Okay, so you can tell that the main character really hasn't gotten into trouble at all in her years of schooling, and she's a bit of a drama queen. That's why she has to go through this whole series of events to realize what's truly important. SERIOUSLY!!! Someone found it interesting, but NO ONE answered! :'( Nevermind. Someone answered. To Jenna Lalap: Sweet ideas. ;) Sure I'll tell you when I'm done... and I think yours is really, really good. I might want to leave out some details, and if you could make the magical village have an imaginary name, that'd be great. I'l mix and match some of your names, and maybe instead I'll use Faith or something you would hear more about in-a-prophecy of something. Something old and beautiful. Something lost but found. I'll figure something out. ;)
Our pick of the answers:
Nice principal who does his best for the middle schoolers: Dean Ridge Mother of main character who tries to do her best, but is usually tired, always working: Charlotte Devine Father of main character, always working: Eric Devine Main character, female, 14 years old and usually gets straight A's, but then realizes that grades aren't her life. By this, she goes on an adventure to find out that what Ms. Florence believes is true: Mary Tratian Snotty boy at school: Bobby Schuster Best friend of the main character, male or female, or both: Dylan (girl) A boy who likes to hang around the main character: sam terrance A ghost (either gender, please say) the main character meets on her adventure, and tries to stay away from: girl Sophia (kinda annoing) An evil thing (please say gender and what it is) that causes problems:Male black spirit who clams to be a lost Egyptian ba A little magical village: forks washington The middle school she goes to: bridgeton middle school The town she lives in: naples FL (a boring little place) A forest she lives by: sweet heart pines A street she walks by in the town she lives in: logan dr. Her pet's name (only one, please say what it is, what gender and name): chubs boy Her sibling's name (please say how many, gender, age, possibly personality and name): 2 older siblings and a pregnant mom older siblings boy and girl twins and both mean there about 15 and the guys name is james and the girls name is victoria but mabey the main charter should call her vickki cause she knows she hates that? (tell me when you are finished id love to read it!)
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